As you may have heard or were about to hear, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and his son kiss on the lips in the new Facebook docu-series called Tom vs. Time. The scene in question features the Super Bowl favorite’s 11-year-old son asking his dad if he can check his fantasy football standings. “What do I get?” Tom asks, leading to Jack pecking him on the lips. After Tom calls him out for the short kiss, Jack comes back over and plants another on his mouth for a good three seconds.
Naturally, the internet has handled footage of the non-event with its normal composure. The takes have been coming in all afternoon and show no sign of stopping. And, sure, it looks a little weird that Tom’s getting a massage while also kissing his son, but the documentary makes it fairly clear that Brady spends half of his life off the field getting massages. In the episode featuring the kiss, every other scene features Brady getting his legs worked on by a masseuse, which is arguably way weirder than a mouth kiss.
Of course, instead of focusing on #MassageGate, everyone wants to dump on Brady for being overly affectionate with his son. It feels like just yesterday that Britan went through this with David Beckham, decided it wasn’t a big deal, and went back to sabotaging its economy. But given that Brady is a controversial figure to begin with, it’s safe to assume that we’re going to be hearing about this for a long time. That means that the current hottest takes will likely be dethroned by even hotter takes.
Still, the hottest takes right now are pretty damn hot.
The Psychological Take…
@FeitsBarstool Tom Brady kissing his 11 year old kid on the lips and then complaining that it was “barely a peck” forcing him to go back for a another, longer, weirder kiss on the lips is an absolute psychopath move
— Byerui (@boyoyo69) January 30, 2018
The Thirst Take…
If Tom Brady was my dad, I’d kiss him like that too.
— Seth Sherman (@seth_sherman) January 30, 2018
The Political Take…
there’s a lot of love in tom brady’s family. they like to kiss. what’s the big deal? this upsets democrats because they are cold heartless fucking morons. pic.twitter.com/TODxVW1PoG
— Ron (@flight182) February 1, 2018
The Not Even Mad Take…
VERY disappointed to learn that Brady is a kiss his son on the mouth kind of guy, always found that super weird/suspect
— Space Cowboy
The Game of Thrones Take…
Tom Brady you kiss your Dad on the lips and we all know it. You’re weak. Your bloodline is weak. You will not survive the winter. #tombradykisseshisdadonthelips
— Rob Watash (@TheRobWatash) January 30, 2018
The Dog-Lover’s Take…
People throwin’ shade at Tom Brady for kissing his 11-year-old son on the lips. It’s not for me. But I get parents/families show affection in different ways. So what’s the cut-off age for that kind of stuff?
No, I do not have kids. Yes, I kiss my dog on the lips. ?
— Emerson Lotzia, Jr. (@EmersonLotzia) February 1, 2018
The *Bashes Head Into Desk* Take…
Watching that Brady kiss makes me feel like I’m now an accessory To a “me too moment”
— Blue Collar Dad (@unleashdJckhole) February 1, 2018
The Middle-of-the-Road Stupid Take…
You just think it’s ok because it’s Brady. To make the kid come back for a longer kiss is disturbing, period.
— Silver Surfer (@thad_wilkes) February 1, 2018
The Stalker Take…
After watching Tom Brady make his son kiss him on the mouth TWICE, it made me feel weird. I really hope it’s just because he’s a terrible parent (which I 100% believe)
— Robert Barnacle (@BarnacleRobert) January 31, 2018
The Inevitable Take…
Dude if you kiss your children on the mouth you’re a pedophile. Tom Brady is a pedophile. Not only that, he did it like LONGER than usual. No pecks. He fucking smooched his son. Tom Brady. You pedophile.
— Sunburned Albino (@SunburnedAlbino) January 31, 2018