Planning and organizing a wedding can be a very stressful and tiring process. And to feel that your wishes weren’t respected on your big day can ruin even the most well-planned receptions. Although some people might want to announce happy news like an engagement or a pregnancy on their friends’ or relatives’ wedding day, it’s up to the bride and groom to decide whether they want this on their big day.
One Bright Side reader, Sarah, had this choice taken away from her when her mother-in-law decided to announce her pregnancy at Sarah’s wedding reception. Here’s the message that she sent us.
We at Bright Side decided to help Sarah and came up with a few things she can do to mend her relationship with her husband’s family while also making it clear that her feelings were hurt on her big day.
- It is okay to go no-contact for a while. It is always a good idea to spend some time reflecting on the problem and coming up with a plan of action for the future. It is also smart to take some time for yourself if you feel that your boundaries weren’t respected.
- After you’ve taken some time for yourself, talk to Kate and explain honestly that what she did wasn’t ok. If she wanted to make a huge announcement at your wedding, then she should have asked both you and John before.
- Set some boundaries for your relationship with your husband’s family. Kate might have thought that her announcement would only add more happiness and excitement to your big day, and not take the attention away from the 2 of you. Try to understand her reasoning, but also explain to her that any other matters of this nature should be discussed beforehand in the future.
- It’s valid to expect an apology when your feelings were hurt. It’s understandable that you feel like your wedding was ruined, especially because you also wanted to announce your pregnancy and your MIL took this opportunity away from you. Apologizing can help heal relationships and if Kate admits that what she did was wrong, you can then more easily heal your relationship with her.
- Know how to ask for an apology effectively. A half-hearted and insincere apology can do much more harm than good. And although it is your MIL’s place to apologize, you need to know how to explain to her what you’re feeling. You can begin by repeating to her what she did, and then also adding what she could have done instead. So you make it clear that your criticism of her actions is constructive, rather than humiliating.
- Announce your own pregnancy on your own time. You couldn’t share the big news when you and John planned to, so it is ok to wait to tell your husband’s family after things have settled. Also, you can check out some alternative ways of making your pregnancy announcement special. You can share photos of a chalkboard note, a bun in the oven, or an ultrasound photo if you no longer feel like telling them in person.
Have you ever been in a similar situation? What other advice would you give to Sarah?