If you think sex should take place in strange places and put you complicated contortions, you may be paying a bit too much attention to porn. Good sex is not about aesthetics; it’s about effort and intention. Sure, the new and unusual can be exciting but tradition is enduring, and there are often good reasons as to why. Take missionary sex. It’s often seen as the unsexiest sex position that ever did sex. But, while it might not be exciting as experimental position #249 or whatever you tried the last time the kids were out of town and you could really get that bed frame creaking, there are ways to make it more fun and pleasurable for you and your partner. That’s why we reached out to Patti Britton, clinical sexologist and co-founder of Sex Coach U. Per Britton, here are four ways to make the most out of missionary.
READ MORE: The Fatherly Guide to Sex After Kids
Make Eye Contact
“Women typically like to feel connected to their partners,” says Britton. “One way to connect to a partner is through eye contact.” Because missionary position puts you face to face with your partner, it’s well suited to support eye contact. According to Britton, the idea of locking eyes during sex has been around for a very long time. In that Tantra tradition, it’s called “soul gazing.” The idea is to find ways to connect without using words. “Anything that creates a positive neurological response, anything that enhances excitement, is going to be good for sex,” says Britton.
Know Your Angles
Most women do not orgasm during sex. That’s because most women don’t experience orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone. Most women need some clitoral contact to get there. Missionary position can help. “If he’s on top, he can angle his penile entry,” says Britton. “He can position the shaft of his penis against the head of her clitoris. That kind of pressure can be highly stimulating for a woman.” If you’re having a hard time with the angles, try accessorizing. There are companies out there that specializing in “bedroom adventure gear.” They sell wedges, ramps, and lips all designed to position the pelvis in the most opportune and orgasmic way. “Try going in at more of an angle rather than a flat entry,” Britton suggests.
“I would say most women say they need kissing in order to engage sexually,” says Britton “It helps initiate the cascade of hormones that tell the body, ‘I’m turned on.’ The body needs to be turned on.” Missionary position, of course, makes it easy to kiss during sex. Some say the act actually mimics what’s going on while getting it on. Women’s lips do bear a certain resemblance to the labia. Plus, they’re red, a color linked to sexual desire. Meanwhile, the tongue carries certain phallic properties. It can get hard when excited. We use it to penetrate other orifices. Kissing also involves a kind of fluid exchange, leaving us a little wet, and a lot excited. Some researchers actually believe that we developed an affinity for the wet kiss because saliva contains testosterone, a hormone linked to sexual arousal.
Missionary is a high-contact position. Studies show that when lovers touch, their breathing actually syncs up. “It’s very connective,” says Britton. Deep breaths and deep exhalations, she explains, are going to help enhance the sexual experience. “Inhaling tends to put us in a more anxious state,” she explains. Deep breaths also boost circulation. The more we breathe, the more blood flows into our genitals. And, as we all know, engorged organs tend to accompany our orgasms. So take a deep breath, and come together.